2009 in Reflection

Now that Christmas is winding down and the new year is coming up, it’s time to reflect back on 2009 and prepare for 2010.  It was a really tough year for a lot of different reasons.  However it was also a great year for a whole host of other reasons.  I’d like to share some of my personal growth and experiences with you.  If you feel inclined to share yours, please feel free to do so in the comments section.

2009 was filled with a dichotomy of events.  Everything that happened was either good or bad, with no real room for a middle ground.  I would almost call it a purpose driven year, but I wouldn’t want it to be confused with the daily living Christian book.  I think the best way to describe it was a year of personal growth: taking my lumps and growing from the decisions that I’ve made throughout my life.  Where 2008 was a year of truth and revelation, 2009 was the growth from those discoveries.

Among the positive things to come out of 2009, a lot of them had to do with family.  My sister got married to a great guy, and my brother finally got his life going in the right direction and moved forward with school.  My family became closer than we’ve been in a long time and I had a lot of special moments with them this year partly due to my reappearance following the events of 2008. I was glad to be a part of everything and to have the full support of my family following my divorce.  It was a very difficult time and they really pulled everything together for me.

Additionally I became a new member of two other families.  When my ex-wife and I separated I told myself that I wouldn’t get married again.  I had all of these rules and things that I thought I could tell myself to do, but in the end everything was thrown out of the window.  A year ago I began seeing my current fiancee.  We progressed slowly, the families met after about 5 or 6 months and in October I asked her to marry me.  I knew for several months prior that I wanted to take that step again with her.  All of my rules and goals went to the wayside and she became a very important part of my life.

The second family I joined was the church family at First United Methodist Church.  This was a huge step for me.  I hadn’t been to a church (besides Easter and Christmas) in nearly 14 years.  But after everything that had happened over the past 2 to 3 years, I was finally starting to hear that voice and see that path.  Everything that I had convinced myself over the years about religion, about God, about faith, had all been washed away in less than a year.  And with that my life started to become my own again, and my renewed sense of faith helped me overcome the downside of 2009.

By 2009 the divorce was done, assets and debts were already transferred, and we had both moved on.  The financial aftermath was a little different.  I was saving for a house, working towards refilling a house with furniture, and just trying to get by buying groceries.  It was tough sledding for a few months.  When I finally moved into my new house in May, everything was coming together.  Then in July I was asked to take a pay cut at my job.  I decided instead to pursue self-employment.  So far, that hasn’t been a terrible decision.  It’s just been difficult going week to week on my income.  That has been the most difficult transition and reality to deal with…job loss and the economy.

Without question though, the biggest hurdle this year was getting over myself and my expectations.  Over the years I put a lot of expectations on myself that I never quite followed through on.  I lapsed on my education when I should have been done ages ago, I procrastinated on my work at times when I could have given 110%, and I tried too hard at times to explain away faith when I should have been listening for guidance.  I’ve tried to be humble. I’ve tried to be giving.  I’ve tried to do all of the nice things that I thought would get me by in life.  But several of those came back to bite me…pretty hard in some cases.

So what I’ve learned this year is that there are 2 truths: there is actually a God, and I’m not it.  Everything else is up for debate and change.  Loves change, ideas change, perceptions change, and even realities change.  But the first of those truths is going to be there guiding me through the hurdles that life throws my way.  For some people this is an everyday thought, but for someone like me this is a big deal.  And out of everything that happened on both sides of the dichotomy, I’m perfectly fine with all of it.  It’s been difficult, but it’s made me stronger and more aware than I’ve been in over a decade and it feels great.  I have faith, family, and friends.  As long as I have those everything else will work itself out over time.

The outlook for 2010 then is positive.  I only missed one goal for 2009, and that goal was out of my hands.  Hopefully 2010 will finally see that goal come to fruition.  It will be at the top of my new list of attainable goals.

I hope that everyone else had a great year and can reflect back on everything with a positive attitude and outlook.  Always remember that things could be worse.  Take any situation that you’re in and look around you.  There’s always someone struggling even more.  Have a great New Year’s Eve, and I’ll see you in 2010.

Please feel free to add comments below.  It’s always open and can be anonymous if you’d like.  As with last week, this week will be very busy.  My next post will be next Monday.  Have a great week!!